Tape: It’s one of those things that I just can’t seem to master. I have all the latest in Tape-Taming Technology at my fingertips but I still get it stuck to my skin or my clothes or the table and once it got stuck to The Viking when he happened to be walking past as I was wrapping a Christmas Gift. I had to chase him all the way outside to peel the tape from the back of his head. Sometimes static builds up and it sticks to itself and a wrestling match ensues. I blame this on William Gilbert who invented static electricity. Thanks for that, William!
Month: April 2016
We had a Non-Argument Argument Last Night
Let’s talk about arguments. I don’t like them so I don’t do them. The Viking is pretty much the same. So we have these moments where something has happened and we freeze. Neither one of us wants to confront the other so we sort of stand there looking at anything but each other. We both have a role in this moment and we both completely understand who is at fault and who is the innocent party.
Without making eye contact we both kind of wander slowly away, both of us hoping the phone will ring or someone will knock on the door. The rest of the day becomes awkward because I should probably apologize or The Viking should, but making that apology would mean revisiting the thing that happened and neither of us wants that. Eventually, someone will call or visit to distract us and we can go back to being not awkward again.
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Things I Find in my Bra
Let’s talk about Boobs. I have big ones which are more of a hindrance and less ‘sexy appendages’ the older I get. A friend of mine once said, “Big boobs are only good for one thing……feeding the baby without taking it out of the crib”, and I have to concur. I would happily give them to the first female I heard bemoaning her compact titlets.
There are challenges to having big boobs. For example, restaurant tables are all ‘Boob Height’; I like to call them Boob Tables because as soon as I sit down my boobs are resting on the table top. The Viking enjoys the view but so does everyone else who happens to walk past or is taking our order. Sure, it means I don’t necessarily have to wear a bra for support when I go out for dinner but that just makes the journey from the car to the table sort of weird. Either The Viking or I have to hold them because no one wants to watch them sway back and forth as I walk. Sure, I could probably hypnotize people to do my bidding – that is actually a very good idea! – but that would make us late for our reservation.