Hey! Nice to see you again. I missed last weekend’s Coffee Share because I was busy watching The Viking electrocute himself. Happily, despite fiddling with wires that should have been full of electricity, he is still alive and grumbling.
But enough of that. How are you doing? Is life treating you good? Help yourself to coffee and tiny Pecan Tarts that were made for Dwarfs, or maybe Elves or possibly Leprechauns. I’m just guessing but I think they were meant to be ‘Bite Sized’ but they aren’t. They are, at a bare minimum, two bites but are actually an awkward three bites where the last bite crumbles in your hand and you end up having to suck the crumbs out of your palm like a Hoover. It’s not elegant but it is amusing to watch guests try to be polite.
My week was fairly dull, and by dull I mean boring. Nothing much happened. Until this morning. And then it happened before I even got out of bed.
No. Not that.
We stayed up too late last night so this morning when the Cat Alarm went off at 8:30 I was completely unprepared to get up. So I shouted “IZZIE!! SHUT UP!” which seemed to work for about two and a half minutes. There were several more shouted threats and curses and a giggle from The Viking who apparently found all this amusing.
There was the inevitable tipping point though. That moment when I didn’t immediately fall back to sleep immediately after threatening death and dismemberment. And that’s the moment when Competitive Sleeping happened.
Me: I should get up and make the coffee.
Me: He’s awake. He’ll get up any moment.
Me: He was up later than I was.
Me: That’s not my fault. He made his choice.
Me: Actually, I think he was trying to fix something with the Kodi Box.
Me: He loves doing that. It’s like play time for him.
Me: I’m pretty sure he wasn’t enjoying himself.
Me: How would you know? You were asleep. He might have been Naked Break Dancing for all you know.
Me: Come on, now. He would never do that. He was trying to fix it so tomorrow I wouldn’t have to wait while he tried finding an available stream for a half hour. That’s how he shows his love.
Me: Pfft! He was probably watching porn.
Me: He doesn’t need to watch porn! Geez! Where do you come up with this shit?!
Me: I’m just saying.
Me: Don’t. Just don’t. I’ll get up and let him sleep in.
Me: WAIT! He’s moving! Maybe he is getting up and will make the coffee. Wouldn’t that be awesome?
Me: Yes, that would be awesome but he’s not moving anymore. He went back to sleep.
Me: So wiggle around a little bit! Snore! Then he’ll think you’re sleeping.
Me: But I’m not sleeping anymore.
Me: He doesn’t know that for sure! A little snore would convince him he’s more awake than you are.
Me: Do you even remember last weekend when he got up early and went out to buy fresh buns and cheese and doughnuts? Getting up and making coffee is the least I could do.
Me: Well, if you’re going to bring up every obsolete act of kindness every time you want to be selfish, I can’t see any point of me even being here.
Me: That might be construed as a good thing, you know.
Me: So you want to get up?
Me: No! Of course not! But someone has to make coffee and I’m the first one awake.
Me: He’s awake – probably more awake than you are! Do you hear any snoring? Then he isn’t sleeping and if you’d just make a few sleeping noises, he’ll go make the coffee!
Me: I’m getting up! I need coffee if I have to keep arguing with you!
Me: Well, you’ll have to do the dishes too because you didn’t do them last night. Still want to get out of bed first?
Me: Bah! I forgot about that. There’s every chance that he’ll just make the coffee and I’ll have to do the dishes myself anyway.
Me: But! You’ll have coffee ready for you.
Me: I’ll just do the dishes while I’m waiting for the coffee to brew.
Me: You are such a pussy! I want to stay in bed! Gawd!
Me: Stop being so melodramatic. You’re just getting out of bed, not inventing the wheel you know.
Me: You’re not going to wear that are you? It makes you look fat.
Me: You’re just cranky because I won’t stay in bed. You loved this shirt last week.
Me: Well, I had more sleep last week.
I consoled myself by committing to a nap this afternoon. I love Saturday afternoon naps when I can curl up in my happy place and spend time with just me. Sure, it’s a weird place sometimes but that’s okay, nobody needs to know.
Thanks, as always, to Nerd in the Brain for hosting Weekend Coffee Share and Part-Time Monster for inventing it.