Mim’s getting married on the 23rd of this month which means only one thing – I am one step closer to a grandchild that I will spoil rotten.
I suppose it means more than just one thing to Mim, like love and joy and a flashy ring finger, but for me, it’s all about the babies.
Of course, I share her excitement and want to make her day wonderful. When it was time to buy shoes and jewelry, I was more than happy to make a day of it. She had already purchased her Gown which left only the little things.
She came to the house expecting me to be ready….but I wasn’t. I was 15 minutes away from being ready and it was entirely The Viking’s fault. I didn’t want to waste time explaining at that moment and put us even further behind, so I waited until we were in the car and on our way to meet the Maid of Honor.
Me: It wasn’t my fault I was late.
Mim: It’s okay, Mom. It’s no big deal.
Me: But I hate being late. The Viking decided to poop just before I needed to be in the shower.
Mim: I hate that!! Argh!
Me: Me, too!! And he claims that he didn’t plan on pooping at that time, but I think it’s an entire male gender conspiracy. They know.
Mim: Oh, they know. When poop smell meets water vapor it becomes a solid!
Me: Exactly! The poop particles are in the air and as soon as I turn the shower on it turns the dust poop back into solid/liquid form and I’m essentially showering in poop.
Mim: YES! That’s just so gross! How can you possibly feel clean when you’ve had to shower in poop?!
Me: I’ve tried to explain this to The Viking and he just goes “Pfft!”
Mim: Haha! That’s also the sound of farts! Coincidence? I think not.
Me: Hahaha!! The Viking has never had to take a poop shower. Because I’m a nice person!
Mim: I yell when it happens at home. I totally understand why you had to wait for the dust poop to get sucked up through the fan. It’s a good thing you have such a good fan or you would have had to wait for a lot longer.
Me: And that’s why you’re my best friend. You understand how Science works.
The day turned out to be wonderful and we found beautiful things for her. I don’t often get to spend time with Mim; she lives about 5 hours from me – a fact that I point out every time I talk to her. I’ve even tried to bribe her but, apparently, she loves living where she does and the thought of coming back to the city isn’t very appealing. So, I make due with the time we have.
In the meantime, I’ll need to have a conversation with The Viking about solids, liquids, and air particles. Because there is no way we can have a freshly baked Grandchild exposed to that kind of thing. Since our little house doesn’t have room for a special Poop Room, we might need to consider the facilities at the gas station on the corner.