I don’t normally do this but this video showed up on my Facebook feed and I watched it and then I had a lot of questions. One sentence in the video, in particular, had me confused.
“The Christians will finally come out of the Shadows.”
I had no idea there were Christians hiding in Shadows. Exactly what Shadows are they hiding in and where are those Shadows? Are there schools and hospitals in these Shadows where they can be educated and receive medical care? Do they have Garbage Disposal? Because it might get kind of nasty in the Shadows if the garbage starts piling up.
If real Christians are hiding in Shadows then who are the people that are claiming they are Christians but aren’t hiding – like the ones that go to the church across the street from me, or the ones on TV or the FaceBook groups? Are they fake Christians? Are they just pretending while the real Christians are residing in some horrid Shadow?
Why are the real Christians hiding in the first place? Who are they hiding from? We don’t allow Lions in arenas full of Christians anymore, do we? That would be fucked up if we do and I’ll start writing Protest Letters to the UN immediately if that’s the case.
Are these Hiding Christians in Canada too? Does this explain Andrew Sheer, Jason Kenney and Brian Jean? They aren’t hiding so does that make them fake? How can I tell the real ones from the fake ones? If I see a person hiding in my shrubs should I assume it’s a real Christian and offer them chocolate and a blanket? If I suspect someone that isn’t hiding in my shrubs is a Hiding Christian are there identifying marks or secret handshakes that will let me know what they are? Are they dangerous? This guy is talking Civil War and that sounds kind of dangerous to me. Is there a Hotline I can call if I have suspiciously identified one of the Civil War-causing Hiding Christians?
Are there nice Hiding Christians? Should we be working on Safe Houses for them? I would donate some food for them if I know where to send it all. The Shadows might be a big place and I wouldn’t want my donation disappearing to other things that hide in the Shadows. And speaking of food, if the Christians that are not hiding (fake Christians) don’t mind me Bar-B-Quing, should I immediately stop Bar-B-Quing in case the real Christians are repelled by the smell of roasting meat? You know…..like Hell? I ask because if the Christians I see all the time are not real Christians then I have to question everything I know to be true.
There are so many unknowns now. I’m asking myself “What would Jesus do?” but I’m drawing a blank. I suppose if Jesus was around the real Christians wouldn’t be hiding, right? Or maybe Jesus would be in hiding too, waiting for someone to impeach Donald Trump so he could come out of the Shadows with all the other real Christians.
So, if I have this right, if the Americans impeach Donald Trump, Jesus can come out of the Shadows with all the Hiding Christians. And maybe there are enough nice Hiding Christians to stop a Civil War that the not-so-nice Hiding Christians want.
That sounds totally plausible to me.
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