Well, shit just went right off the rails and I’m not happy about it! A cat’s house is supposed to be her castle. Everyone knows you don’t just let any Tom, Dick or Harry into the castle. Just ask Rapunzel. That’s a universal law, isn’t it? As a matter of fact, I think the 10 Commandments covered this situation – ‘Thou shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor’s Cat’.
And what did I find when I came home after my morning tour of the Neighborhood? A cat! Even worse – The Viking petting the cat!! Not cool, man!
And then Teddy showed up and he was like “Hey! A cat! What does his ass smell like?”
Am I in Bizzaro World? Has everyone lost their damned minds? We don’t need anymore cats! I am more than enough for any one household. Don’t I give you enough loves? Don’t I sleep in bed with you? Don’t I eat enough?
Of course I’m enough for you. I accepted Teddy – reluctantly, yes – but I draw the line at any more cats. This is my claw-mark in the sand!
If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?
I cursed Teddy for the Traitor he is. Instead of standing in solidarity with me, he watched the One Cat Show. It was pathetic, really. It rolled around and around on the cement like a man-hussy! No one needs to see such a ridiculous display to get more attention. I levelled a couple of insults in his direction but he’s as receptive as Teddy to sarcasm, which is to say I’m wasting my talents on them.
It turns out that this interloper is called Charlie; The Viking checked the tag on his collar.
At one point he even tried to walk into the damned house! Luckily Mom blocked the way. The Viking is dead to me now, but at least Mom kept her integrity. She didn’t fall for this disgusting display of blatant slut-iness.
Apparently his owners moved into the house next door despite my wishes to the contrary. So he’ll be hanging around like a bad smell. And I suppose Teddy will befriend it because that’s what Teddy does. He’ll fall for anything if there’s a chin scratch involved.
Later, The Viking came in the house and tried to give me loves. “Not today, Traitor!” You’re unclean now. This whole place has gone to hell in a hand basket!
What’s next? Sleepovers? Birthday parties? Split holidays – one year at the neighbour’s one year with us? Sweet Geezus!! What if they dress us up in matching costumes and parade us around the block? Hallowe’en is coming, after all. Gawd!
Well, there’s one cat here that won’t be taking part in any of that tomcatfoolery! I have dignity. I’m a lady!
And why am I the one who has to monitor these things? Isn’t there like a Feline Occupancy Law regarding how many cats are allowed in any one neighborhood? The next time I see a By-Law Enforcement Officer, I’m going to lodge a firm and articulate complaint.
In the meantime, I will be watching The Viking very carefully to make sure he doesn’t get too attached to Charlie.
PS: Sharing is caring.