Whispers…
Come in, come in, come in! Did anyone see you? Were you followed? Are you sure?
Phew! That’s a load off my mind, my friend, because I’ve had a hellish week. Here’s some coffee – I’ll explain later. We can’t lay in the sun today either. Come along, my blanket is behind the sofa. It’s actually quite cozy.
Oh yum! I forgot how good coffee is and, to be honest, Salmon juice just doesn’t cut it as a morning beverage.
So……my week started great – just like every other week – but on Tuesday The Missus started acting a little funny. She was all sweet and cuddly and attentive. The Viking was even better! He was ‘tut tutting’ me all the time and coo-ing. I thought “Finally!! I’ve finally trained you people how to serve me properly!!” But it was a ruse! I was tricked!
They took me to the Vet and the people there shaved my belly, cut me open, took some stuff out and sewed me back together. See?! My beautiful belly is ugly now! It turns out they took away my right to decide if I want a bushel of kittens or not! I don’t know what having a bushel of kittens would be like but that’s not the point! The point is that they took away my right to decide. And that’s nothing compared to what they did next.
Whispers….
They put a microchip between my shoulder blades. They can track me now. Big Brother, The Overlord, The Borg…..they’re watching me. They know where I am all the time!
No, I don’t have a tin hat! Gawd!! You’re a terrible friend sometimes. I don’t know why I even put up with you. This isn’t a conspiracy theory like the Siamese twins down the street who think their owner is an alien. This is serious and all too real!
I overheard the Vet and The Missus talking. Apparently ‘AVID’ is the name of Big Brother and he can tell exactly where I am, any time, day or night. Millions of pets are being tracked! Well, not the cat I saw pooping in my neighbor’s flower bed because I’m pretty sure they would have eliminated him by now if he was microchipped.
Oh my Gawd!! I just realized…….that’s what “Animal Control” is!! It’s The Overlord’s minions trapping pets that have gone rogue. They could come for me any time. There are posters all over the neighborhood about missing cats – The Missus thought it was some cantankerous old guy with a cat trap but I’d be willing to bet a whole can of food that it’s The Overlord.
Well, how should I know what he wants with all those cats! I don’t know everything – just most things. What’s important right now is to come up with a strategy to minimize my exposure to Big Brother. As long as I stay in the house The Viking will protect me.
Well, of course he can protect me. He’s a Viking! That’s what they do…..when they aren’t pillaging and berserking.
And to be honest, today is the first day that I’ve felt good enough to contemplate the ramifications of my microchip. Thursday I could only sit in the sun or fall asleep. Yesterday I wasn’t as spaced out but my belly hurt really bad. Today, I am quite a bit better.
And while The Viking and The Missus were still feeling sorry for me this morning, I managed to pilfer coffee, sugar and a touch of cream.
You’re welcome. They caught on to me fairly quickly though when they saw me trying to sneak away with the Treat Bag. Hence no treats to have with your coffee. I’m only one cat after all.
Watch your back, my friend. Big Brother is watching me and I can only assume they will target my friends and associates. You may be scooped up one day…….
Er thanks for salmon juice, I brought a bag of treats with me. Let’s curl up uo behind the couch and have party. My pawparents did that to me about 14 years ago. I am still here. Kato
Yes, it is becoming apparent that I will live through the Spaying. I won’t be in a forgiving mood until all the hair grows back on my beautiful belly though. I’m so glad you stop by, Kato. It’s nice having friends.
Mischievous was one word that came to mind while I was reading. Good post, thank you for sharing.
Thanks Shari :o) I appreciate it.
I have no doubt that my two kitties would share with you the many ways they have been tricked and mistreated if I’d let them join us for coffee. They have been working on training we humans for over 12 years and we still haven’t gotten it right. Slow learners, I guess…?
Haha! I prefer to think they are poor teachers. Yeah. Let’s go with that. :o)
Poor Izzie, such treachery! I’m sure you’ll find a way to punish them when you’re feeling more yourself. And bear in mind that even though it’s not your choice, not having bushels of kitties will help you keep your figure so it’s not all bad 😉
Well, there is that, I suppose. My mother did say she hoped I had kittens just like me so it’s probably a good thing I have been spayed. There are times when even I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.
I’m very sorry to hear about the various indignities you’ve had to go through recently. The part that most gripped my attention was when you explained about having a tracker between your shoulder blades that allows all your movements to be detected. That’s horrifying! I have to make sure your post never gets into the hands of my wife, my boss or my bank manager.
Mine is a Tale of Caution, Bun. If your wife, boss or bank manager suggests a trip to the vet my advice would be to run. Far and fast.
I must say that You’ve done a fantastic job with this.