Tag: life-mate

You Were a Bastard in my Dream

Me: “If you want a different woman, fine!  But you can’t move her in with me and expect me to cook for her!!”

The Viking: “What?  I don’t want a different woman.”

Me: “You say that now, but when you find her at a pizza joint down the street you will be singing a different tune!”

The Viking: “Why would I go looking for a woman in the pizza place?”

Me: “That’s what I would like to know.”

The Viking: “There isn’t even a pizza place down the street.  The closest one is up on the hill.”

Me: “Hmmmm.  Why would I dream there is a pizza place down the street?”

The Viking: “I don’t know.  It’s your dream.”

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Super Powers

I’m shocking. Not on purpose but shocking nonetheless.  And not shocking in a weird way like I iron my underwear or eat Kale.  I just shock things, particularly in the winter and mostly The Viking.  In the house I wear fur-lined Crocs (the best invention ever!) that keeps my feet from hurting and getting really cold but that’s when I become shocking.  I hand The Viking something and sah-nap!

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Did you just rev up my toothbrush?

My second attempt at finding an Adorable Life-Mate was a huge success. I have to give all the credit to him though, because I certainly tried his patience.  It’s not easy trying to find a new mate when your boobs are drooping, the threat of a double chin has become a reality and you need Sherpas to carry all the baggage you lugged out of your marriage.  He persisted though and I finally accepted that there wasn’t a porn addict or a rapist in the closet and he wasn’t after what little money I had (I evidentally watched too many Investigation Discovery programs like Homicide Hunter or Who the #$%* did I Marry?).

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A deep breath and a flourish…..

Since I’m new at this and this is my first blog post you might be here by mistake. Google has led you here instead of taking you to where you really wanted to go because Google is a jerk sometimes.  Or, you might be here just checking it out in which case I am nothing if not helpful so here is a short list of things you won’t find here:

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