We have snow – a good 6 inches of the stuff. And considering where Denmark is on the planet, you might be surprised to know that The Viking hates snow and cold with a passion. The kind of passion that makes him shout and curse and grumble. Except when he has a snowmobile under his ass and then he’s as close to giddy as he is capable of being. And I am giddy when he has a snowmobile under his ass because it means he has journeyed to the mountains, leaving me at home in absolute bliss and solitude.
However, as much as The Viking hates snow, there are two other individuals living in the household who hate it more. Teddy was rescued in the middle of winter when he was about 10 months old, cold and starving. So, he isn’t a fan of an empty food bowl or snow and cold. He manages to amuse himself though, running through the house and playing with a squeaky toy and napping and coming for a quick love every once in a while. He takes short forays outside but it isn’t long before he’s back inside.
Izzie, on the other hand, is pissed-the-fuck-off! If you’ve visited here more than just a few times you will know a lot about Izzie. She’s a monster; a beautiful, biting, clawing, hissing, spitting monster. She learned the basics of civilized cat behavior from Mim’s cats (my daughter) and then Teddy keeps her fairly calm but all bets are off if something isn’t right in her corner of the world.
And there’s snow and the cold in her corner of the world right now. She has stuff going on and being cold blows her schedule all to hell. Who’s supposed to mock and name-call the neighborhood cats? The dogs across the alley will be unmanageable if she doesn’t bully them daily. And Peter isn’t going to break into his own house and bellow at the door to be let out. And what about Charlie? Who’s going to chase him away if her feet fall off? What about her ears? Frostbite can make the tips fall off and then she’ll have square ears! It’s pretty hard to be beautiful if your ears are square!
And then there is the weight issue! Laying around the house all day slows the metabolism and pretty soon she’ll have a belly like Teddy’s! And she’s already getting bored with chasing him around the house as the only form of exercise.
With the snow, her existence has gone all to hell. Her feet got cold and three snowflakes dared to land on her back. She bellowed at the door and demanded to know exactly what the fuck is going on?! She stood in front of me scowling and indignant. I told her that I had nothing to do with it but she’s refusing to believe me.
Her vocabulary is devolving into hair-raising insults and if her scowl deepens any further it will look like I hit her with an axe. And that might actually end up happening because the forecast is calling for cold temperatures for the next several days.
It’s going to be a long, long, long winter. Sigh. When the Queen of Mean gets cold feet it’s only good sense to step lightly.
PS: To add insult to injury, Daylight Savings Time screwed her over for an entire hour. I gave up after 45 minutes and fed her and Teddy. It was either that or say good-bye to what little self-esteem I have left.