If we were having coffee I would have to tell you that I’m UNHAPPY. And maybe a little depressed. Mostly UNHAPPY. And it’s all Mim’s fault.
Mim lives in a teeny-weeny town northeast of Edmonton and I like it not! I didn’t think it would bother me since it’s only a 4 hour drive – 3 hours the way The Viking drives – but I’m totally bothered. We talk on the phone but it’s not the same as in person because many of our conversations include body language, head waggles, weird faces and arm swinging as punctuation and emphasis. Now, we’re confined to GIFs and photos and we have to use our words way more than we did when she lived just down the street.
Anyway…….she’s refusing to move back to Calgary for my convenience. When she was a kid she was determined to move to the other side of the planet and never, ever see me again. Ever! I said it was impossible to never see me again because I would hunt her down like a dog. I would buy the house next door and become the Village Eccentric who always wears pajama pants, rubber boots and T-Shirts that say “I’m Mim’s Mom!” under a picture of her adorable face.
I’m only explaining all of this because Mim sent me two pictures this morning on Facebook. Both showed a large red spot on her forehead.
Her: I ran into a ladder. A ladder! And the mark is still here after an hour!
Me: OUCH! Nielsy dropped his Surface on my head when we were cuddled up reading. He fell asleep and the tablet fell on my head. Corner first. And that tablet weighs 903 pounds!
Me: Did you run into the ladder because you couldn’t make a decision fast enough whether to go under it or around it?
Her: Haha!! Maaaaayybeeee. Dirty Viking! He should watch where he falls asleep.
Me: LOL! Last night he held the tablet AWAY from my head.
Me: And at least half of my accidents are caused by too many options for one action. I definitely would have run into the ladder, too. I would be like:
Oh look! There’s a ladder between me and the exit.
I’ll just go around.
Wait! It’s shorter if I go underneath.
Yes. I’m going underneath.
Wait! Isn’t that bad luck?
Do I even believe in those old wives’ tales?
No, I don’t, but it never hurts to be on the safe side.
Why are my legs still moving?
I should probably stop moving until I’ve reviewed all my options and my beliefs regarding them.
That would be The Viking’s advice.
Fuck that! I’m not a child. I’m perfectly capable of making a decision in the 2 seconds before I hit the ladder.
I can just imagine what The Viking would say if I hit it. He’d probably roll his eyes at me.
He’d probably also put ladders in the same category as Flame Throwers, Fire Extinguishers and Skill Saws – not to be trusted in my hands.
I’m getting awfully close.
Hurry! Make up your mind!
Around or under?! Superstition and shorter or longer and around?!
Too many choices!
Go right! Go right!
No!! Left! Definitely left!
FUCK! I hit the ladder! It was the only obstacle in the entire room!
See what I mean? So many words when we could have just leaned a ladder against the house and did re-enactments. We’d have to change our underwear, of course, because we laugh at ourselves so hard that we get into ‘Pee-my-pants’ territory.
I miss her! And I can’t believe SHE WON’T MOVE BACK TO CALGARY LIKE A GOOD DAUGHTER SHOULD!!
Anyway, thanks for stopping by. I definitely needed someone to talk to today.
Until next weekend, then.
Thanks, as always, to Part Time Monster for Coffee Share.