There was a wee bit of a mix-up and now we might have another cat. Or not. It’s confusing and too soon to know for sure.
Every night at 11:00 on the nose, treats are handed out to Teddy and Izzie, like alms for the poor except they aren’t poor, and Izzie isn’t as deserving as poor peasants. And I’m not a good acolyte, either. Okay, it’s nothing like alms for the poor so just ignore the whole alms thing.
Last night, close to 11:00, Izzie abandoned her usual routine of trying to hypnotize early treats out of The Viking and went to crouch in front of the cat door. That in itself isn’t unusual because she squats there all the time, daring Teddy to make it past her without receiving flesh wounds. However, the timing of the squatting was unusual. She’s usually more focused on treats than petty assault.
I assumed that she was feeling more militant than usual. “Izzie! Let Teddy in for his treats!”
She didn’t move. “Izzie!!”
Her left ear flicked in my direction, but she still didn’t move. So, I went to the door and opened it so Teddy could come in. Except he seemed sort of hesitant even though he could clearly see that Izzie was behind me and, therefore not a threat.
“Come one, Teddy. I chased Izzie away.”
He came up one step and that’s when I noticed that his tail was unbelievably huge. “Holy moly, Teddy! What’s up with the big tail? Come on. Come get your treats.”
He came up one more step. The Viking showed up and gave his version of encouragement. “What the fuck’s the problem? Come on, Teddy!” He shook the treat jug loud enough for every cat in the block to hear.
He came up the top step and looked at me.
What the fuck?! Was this even Teddy? Same colour, same eyes. The light on the fur around his ears were the same silver. But the tail is too long, isn’t it? And did he lose about three pounds since supper?
“I don’t think this is Teddy.” The cat now had two feet in the house, and it was obvious.
I turned to look at Izzie who was standing off to my left. She was wearing her frowny face and staring at me. Apparently, she knew it wasn’t Teddy and definitely didn’t approve of my invitations to Treat Time.
“Where’s Teddy then?”
The motion detector light came back on, and I thought I saw Teddy squatting on the garage roof. I grabbed a flashlight and aimed it at the garage. Yup. He was just sitting on the garage roof watching the show. “What are you doing up there, Teddy?”
I scooted Skinny Teddy out the door. “Okay. Let me get this straight.” I said, rubbernecking between Teddy and Izzie. “You two allowed a strange cat that we’ve never seen before to sashay right up to the back door? You even let me invite it into the house for treats?”
Skinny Teddy was just sitting at the bottom of the steps, wondering if treats were still available. Fat Teddy still squatted on the roof and Izzie, bored with the whole thing, was cleaning her right ear.
“Do you know that The Viking and I were sitting out enjoying a beer the other day and a mouse – yes! A mouse! – spent at least an hour scampering around back and forth in front of the office door? Yes! AN HOUR! You guys drag the corpses of rodents and birds you’ve killed into the house but allow a live mouse free access to the beer drinking patio?”
No one moved. They weren’t even looking at me. “And you think you deserve treats?!”
Skinny Teddy took a step toward the bottom step. “You know what?! I’m going to ask Skinny Teddy for its* resume and references. Gawd! Maybe it will earn the food and treats we pay for. And don’t think I’ve forgotten about that damned fly that bumped against every window for two days!”
I sent Skinny Teddy away to put together an employment package and banged the back door shut.
Teddy immediately left his perch and headed for the house. Izzie took up her usual position beside The Viking to beg for treats despite my mutterings that they don’t deserve them.
They don’t care, because The Viking is the weakest link in this household and will give them treats whether they earn them or not. And most of the time, it’s ‘not’.
Freeloaders.
*I hadn’t taken the time to check his/her private bits and besides is it even polite on a first meeting?
Hahaha! Well… maybe Skinny Teddy is willing to take over from the slackers…
One can only hope. Sigh. My cats have no sense of responsibility but they both seem to have an overactive sense of entitlement. 😒
Sounds like my kids…
Why do I always feel like Cinderelephant? 😁
Hahaha! Be kinder to yourself!
Skinny Teddy sounds like a winner.
May I kindly point out that perhaps one has created a rod for one’s back with regard to the two entitled felines at your domain? (Of course, I am in total control of my cat. In my imagination.)
I take zero responsibility. The Viking is making rods faster than I can burn them and of course the felines are the winners at the end of the day. 🤣