Wow! It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Life, though, right? The everyday drudgery always seems to take more time than I have. We did have a few moments to remember though.
The Viking got the New-To-Us Goldwing – Jolene* – put together and he spent quite a lot of time getting to know her. Alarmingly, during one of our early rides, while I was sitting on my backseat throne, oblivious, enjoying my music and the scenery, The Viking was having a torrid love affair. Right in front of me! It turns out that Jolene is The Viking’s Dream Girl – he asks for more speed, and she just gives it to him. No questions asked. I can hear his ‘HeHeHeHe!” over my music and through my helmet every time he passes another vehicle. I call it his George Bush laugh, which makes him laugh more, which makes me laugh more at his laugh.
I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that The Viking would cheat on me – he’s a sucker for horsepower. Our old Goldwing was like driving a Ford Focus – Jolene is like driving a Bugatti or whatever the motorcycle equivalent is because he loves ‘really fast’!
Except for women. He doesn’t like his women to be ‘really fast’. This shouldn’t surprise anyone either, given his choice of a wife. I don’t do anything really fast. I do try, but it usually ends with a broken something and a lecture.
Like any cheating spouse, The Viking started buying me stuff. Like I wouldn’t know what he was doing. First was an edgy motorcycle jacket with microdots that keep me cool even when it’s smoking hot outside. Then came the motorcycle boots, motorcycle gloves, motorcycle rain suits, motorcycle luggage, and a motorcycle helmet with a built-in sun visor and hinges at the chinny part. I can swivel half the helmet up so I can sip coffee or swill G&Ts while we’re riding.
He wanted to get us helmets with Bluetooth so we can talk as we go, but that was a hard NO. The last thing I want while I’m enjoying the time in my head is a Viking rambling on and on about his mistress and all the ways he wants to fondle her when we get home. He tried to sell it as a way for both of us to enjoy my music until I mentioned the Operas I like and then the helmets were too expensive anyway.
Still, we spent many weekends on the road and even managed a full week-long vacation. Sadly, Jolene is a fair-weather strumpet, and she has been stored for the winter. It hasn’t stopped The Viking talking about her though. He’s already shopping for armrests for my throne and cup holders with special travel mugs.
Is he buying me off? Of course, he is, but Jolene has been extremely effective in getting me out of cooking, cleaning, and making the bed. I now have hotel cleaning staff, chefs, and drink mixers. So, I’m not going to complain about the new Sister Wife. Unless he starts sleeping with her. I might draw the line there.
*Her original name was Lucille, but given her slutty ways, I’ve changed her name to better reflect her harlot/trollop/strumpet personality.