Sigh. I don’t usually screw up this bad. I’ve honed a combination of anxiety, chronic over-planning, and self-doubt to such an advanced level that it’s rare that I forget something of such importance. Sure, the occasional toothbrush or deodorant gets missed, but they aren’t really important in the grand scheme of vacations.
In my defense, we were leaving for vacation a day earlier than the original plan because The Viking decided, and that condensed my preparations from two days into one day. That’s important because my usual pre-vacation check, check, triple check, self-doubt, check, check, second self-doubt, and a final check was cut off after just two checks, and I only had one day to run all errands and chores. Also, The Viking usually fuels up the bike the day before we leave so we just get on the bike and go first thing in the morning, but this time he decided he should mess with our scientifically proven process of vacationing and would fuel up on the way out of the city. In other words, we were throwing all caution to the wind and recklessly hoping the Vacation Gods were in our favour. They weren’t.
The first sign of the colossal clusterfuckery headed my way happened at the gas station before we ever left the city. The Viking opened his wallet to pull out the credit card to stick into the pump….
“Where the fuck is the credit card?!!!”
During one of those errands the day before, I needed the credit card, so I just stuck the card in my wallet. Had I returned the card to his wallet immediately, he would have been none the wiser, but I hadn’t and that one little thing was nothing short of a sin of biblical proportions and, trust me on this, The Viking is extremely good at pinpointing sins of biblical proportions and exactly who is to blame for those sins of biblical proportions. And, since I didn’t need my wallet on the first day, it was buried in the depths of Jolene’s over-stuffed side bags. At that point, we both decided that it was easier to just pay with cash than scatter our belongings all over the parking lot of the gas station to find my wallet. We should have known better. This is what happens when we fly by the seat of our pants, with no method to our madness. And, had The Viking fueled up Jolene the day before, he would have caught my clusterfuck. But, he didn’t. Our fate was inescapable at that point.
So, we drove four and a half hours, blissfully ignorant. We pulled into the parking lot of our pre-booked hotel and dug out my wallet.
Time.
Stopped.
Blink. Blink.
My wallet did not contain the credit card.
The Viking grabbed my wallet out of my hands and looked for himself. No credit card. He pulled his wallet out again and nope, no credit card.
Shit.
The Viking started a curse-y stream of mutterances of doom and the ending of all our hopes and dreams forever more, while I prepared for the biblical consequences of my clusterfuck. How could I have lost the credit card?! If it wasn’t in either wallet, then it had to be in my coat pocket or still sitting on the counter at the parts store.
The Vacation Gods must have decided to give us a small bit of luck though when the hotel desk person didn’t ask to see the credit card. We had booked and paid for the room on Expedia, but usually, we are asked for the card anyway. This time they didn’t, so at least we had a bed for the night.
Six o’clock the next morning, we loaded Jolene up again and drove four and a half hours back to Calgary in sub-arctic temperatures which The Viking had tried to avoid by leaving a day early!
I ran for my coat and…no credit card!
I ran to the car and frisked it thoroughly…no credit card!!
I must have left it on the counter at the parts store. My head was ready to explode. I don’t lose things! How could I have lost THE CREDIT CARD of all things?! The Viking was pacing.
I reached for the phone to call the parts store, and there, on the top of The Viking’s computer tower, was the credit card. I almost cried. It took me only a second to realize that I must have been sidetracked on my way to put the credit card in The Viking’s wallet. A phone call? A customer? With the panic of changed plans and the parts run and talking with the house sitter and getting more cat food and finishing laundry and customers coming at the last minute…it could happen to anyone.
So, 8 hours of driving just to get back to where we started, and then another 8 hours to go where we wanted to go and where we had a hotel room waiting for us. A 12-hour driving day. And it was fucking cold until we got back to where we started that morning.
In a post-apocalyptic clusterfuck de-brief we decided that getting a second card for me to keep in my wallet at all times would protect his card from being pinched from his wallet and the $100.00 for that second card was more than worth it.
Wait. What? $100 for a second card? What am I missing? The second card on our joint credit account required us to tick the appropriate box. Money was not involved (apart from the excessive Amazon charges that my husband racks up)
On another subject, in 30 ish years, we have never left for a vacation without at least one false start, but this is really one for the ages! Well, if you are going to do something, go all in!
Glad you made it back in one piece
Our credit card is a World Elite that we use for our business because it gives 2 times the points per $1.00. We rack up enough points for flights to Denmark very quickly, but it comes at a price. Is it highway robbery? Absolutely! Up to this point, I just used the one card but, as you can see, I can’t be trusted to get it back in The Viking Wallet. So, I’ll pay the one-time fee and get one for myself.
It’s comforting to know that we aren’t alone in our vacation bloopers even if we are extra flamboyant in our results. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by Karen!
Oh, corporate. Have you ever noticed that everything costs more if it is for business? But I digress. I don’t remember what the hitch was leaving this winter, but I certainly finished our winter trip with flourish when, after 2½ weeks together, he tested negative, and I tested positive. In a country whose COVID restrictions made Canada look like they weren’t trying… My whole messy saga is here: https://yamatout.blogspot.com/
OH NO!! That’s a terrible way to end a vacation! You win the Vacation Failure Award. I can only hope I never have to reclaim THAT title again. 😲
This was obviously The Viking’s fault. Entirely. Tell him I said so.
That’s exactly what I thought, KathyG.
You and KathyG are definitely part of my tribe! 🧡💛💚
I really WANTED to blame The Viking but I couldn’t twist it around enough to make it stick. Having said that, I am thrilled that someone else said it so I didn’t have to. 🤣👌 Also, I DID tell him your verdict and he laughed. I guess he can be gracious in defeat. 🙂
I am sorry but… The Viking should know you by now. You do NOT CHANGE what works. So his fault entirely.
That said, call it a lesson. What the hell? You don’t each have your own credit card? or copy of the same? Sigh.
LOL! I love that even when I can’t blame The Viking, all my friends do. 🤣
That’s coz we are your Sistahs!!
‘This is what happens when we fly by the seat of our pants’
That term has *always* struck me as funny!! I mean, really, the seat of one’s pants should at least be pointed in the direction you intend to go, and we’re seated as we go, so where’s the problem!?
Good point, Gale. It doesn’t make any sense. Sort of like ‘colder than a witch’s tit’. What does that even mean? To be a witch you have to be human and isn’t a human’s body temperature 98.6 F (37 C)? A lot of things are colder than a witch’s tit then and it doesn’t make any more sense that the seat of one’s pants. 🤷♀️😏