Let’s talk about arguments. I don’t like them so I don’t do them. The Viking is pretty much the same. So we have these moments where something has happened and we freeze. Neither one of us wants to confront the other so we sort of stand there looking at anything but each other. We both have a role in this moment and we both completely understand who is at fault and who is the innocent party.
Without making eye contact we both kind of wander slowly away, both of us hoping the phone will ring or someone will knock on the door. The rest of the day becomes awkward because I should probably apologize or The Viking should, but making that apology would mean revisiting the thing that happened and neither of us wants that. Eventually, someone will call or visit to distract us and we can go back to being not awkward again.
This works for us and we really don’t care what Sigmund Freud might have to say. To have an argument is a commitment we aren’t prepared to make – it gets all messy and loud and stuff. It was just a pair of shoes that I tripped over or the lid of the toothpaste that The Viking forgot to put back on. Is it worth a confrontation? Nope! And amazingly this has worked for nine years! I can count on one hand how many times we actually felt the need to argue.
That changed the other night though.
The Viking: Did you get your post put on that link?
Me: No. I can’t figure out how to do it.
The Viking: What do you mean? Don’t you just have to copy and paste the URL?
Me: You would think so but I can’t find the stupid link!
The Viking (leaning over to look at my computer screen): What’s that button there for?
Me: I don’t know! It’s says it’s a link but it’s not!
The Viking: Don’t you just have to go to that woman’s blog page and put in the link?
Me: No! I’ve been to her blog a hundred times already and there is no link!
The Viking (he has gone to the woman’s blog on his own computer and is reading instructions): Oh, you just follow this link and you should be able to post.
Me: I’VE BEEN THERE AND IT’S NOT A LINK!
The Viking: What about that button there?
Me (hovering my cursor over the link that is not behaving like a link!): See?! It’s doesn’t work!!
The Viking: I’M JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU!! STOP GETTING MAD AT ME!!
Me: I’M NOT MAD AT YOU!! I’M FRUSTRATED WITH THIS STUPID BLOG!!
The Viking: IF YOU AREN’T MAD WHY ARE YOU YELLING?!
Me: BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS STUPID! FUUUUUCCCKKK!!! IT’S SO FRUSTRATING!! WHY DOES EVERY LITTLE FUCKING THING HAVE TO BE SO BLOODY DIFFICULT?! IT’S LIKE YOU HAVE TO BE A GENIUS CODE-WRITER TO FIGURE IT OUT!
The Viking: STOP YELLING AT ME!!
Me: YOU STOP YELLING AT ME! I’M THE ONE THAT’S FRUSTRATED! SHOULDN’T YOU BE SUPPORTIVE INSTEAD OF YELLING AT ME?!
The Viking: I’M JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU AND THEN YOU STARTED YELLING!
Me: I’M YELLING AT THIS STUPID, STUPID SHIT BLOG?!
The Viking: NO!! YOU ARE YELLING AT ME!!
Me: I’M NOT YELLING AT YOU……I’M YELLING TO YOU! THERE IS A DIFFERENCE YOU KNOW!
We continued yelling at each other for several more minutes, both of us insisting – at the top of our lungs – that The Viking was just trying to help and I wasn’t mad at him.
Eventually, he finds instructions that explain that the link to post in this group is only open on Saturdays and Sundays. Which created one of those moments where I mumble under my breath ‘Thank You’ without looking at him and he says ‘You’re welcome’ as he is slowly wandering away.
Thankfully it was bed time and we could just assume our usual position for reading in bed – my head on his chest, his arm around me. No words necessary.