Four in the morning. Sleeping peacefully. Dreaming happy dreams.
“OW! Fucking OWWWW!”
I bolted upright in time to see Izzie catapulted into the air. Obviously, she bit The Viking’s toes. Again. She curls up against his legs when he’s sleeping and when he tries to move, he gets the big chomp. Or more than one chomp. Sometimes she chomps four or five times in a lightning-fast cluster, depending on how annoyed she is, I suppose.
She gets me too, in the middle of the night. My right armpit has scars. I walked past her Cat Tree today while I was tidying up and stopped to give her a cheek rub and have a short lovey chat. When I wanted to move on, both paws grabbed my wrist and claws dug in, drawing blood in three spots.
“OW! Fucking OWWWW!!!!”
I squeezed some hand sanitizer on the wounds because if I don’t, it takes months for them to heal. Thanks to COVID I have jugs of that shit everywhere. While I rubbed in the sanitizer, she just sat there like nothing had happened!
Me: WHY?! Why, why, why?!
Her: Why not?
Me: I thought we talked about the murder attempts!
Her: I don’t recall.
Me: We have had many, many conversations about this.
Her: You’ll have to refresh my memory.
Me: NO CLAWS!!
Her: Hmmm…..I vaguely remember something, but that was years ago.
Me: IT WAS YESTERDAY!!
Her: Really? It seems so long ago, and I didn’t think you meant forever.
Me: Yes! FOREVER!
Her: That sounds a little extreme, don’t you think?
Me: If I’m bleeding, it’s not extreme!
Her: You’re such a Drama Queen.
Me: You’re such a pain in my ass!
Her: Whatever. By the way, you missed a spot on the counter. I can see it all the way over here.
Me: You know what? You’re just one small step away from becoming a Barn Cat on some guy’s farm.
Her: You wouldn’t. You love me.
Me: I’m bleeding, and the thought is becoming more appealing all the time.
Her: The Viking wouldn’t let you.
Me: You bit The Viking’s toes last night! Trust me, it was his idea!
Her: ……..
We haven’t spoken since. Well, she tried to talk in a squeaky, mewing tone, but I’m holding a grudge until my wrist stops hurting.
Fucking cat.
She’s a cat. They’re homicidal by definition
LOL! Our other cat – Teddy – is a sweetie pie. He just wants love. They are on the exact opposite ends of the Kitty Spectrum.
Darling little killing machines!
Izzie certainly is. LOL!
Y0u must love her as you keep her… 🙂
Yes, she’s one of the family. The most irritable, bitey, scratchy member of the family, but still family. LOL
LOL – -I know what you mean… we have to put up with those members that are not always so lovable.