Since the weather was shit this weekend and we didn’t feel like sitting out in freezing temperatures and drizzle, we opted to amuse ourselves inside. And what better way to amuse ourselves than engaging in Stabby Sports – Darts, for the less stabby people.
The Viking is far better at Stabbing than I am – it’s probably a Viking thing. He’s so good that he gives me a substantial handicap to try to even up the odds – the first one to 301 points wins and the last stab has to be on a double. Except for me…..I don’t need to hit a double because we both recognize that just hitting the dart board is an achievement.
So, I made myself a Lemon Gin and Tonic and he indulged in Beer with Clamato Juice and we picked up our darts. I went first.
Me (throws darts): Oooooo……that’s a 43!
The Viking (throws): What the fuck?! 3?
Me (shaking imaginary Pom-Poms): Oooooo….nice job! Keep up the good work.
The Viking: Just throw your darts.
Me: Wow! That’s a 47….best score so far!
The Viking (throws his darts): For fucks sake! 9?
Me (dancing like a witch at the Spring Solstice celebrations): YES!!
The Viking: Pfft!
Me (throws): WooHoo! 64!! Has the student surpassed the Master? (Evil laughter)
The Viking: 19 for fucksake! And you had better watch out, Karma is going to get you.
Me (shrugging philosophically): Of course it is. It always gets you in the end, but I will dance with the Devil until it does. Besides…..I prefer to celebrate my wins when I can because you know it only takes one throw and you’re on top again.
The Viking: Throw your darts!
Me: 37!
The Viking (glaring at the dart board and then adjusting it): This thing has moved to the right. Why does it always do that?
The Viking (throws his darts): 113.
Me: What the fuck?! I find it highly suspicious that you suddenly throw 113 AFTER you adjusted the board. I want to go to the Official for a decision.
The Viking: What official?
Teddy wanders by.
Me: Teddy! The Viking is cheating!
Teddy: Are you talking to me?
Me: Yes! The Viking is cheating. He adjusted the dartboard and now he gets 113 points in a single turn. I need you to sanction him by 100 points.
Teddy: You don’t happen to have any treats, do you? I find it difficult to make informed decisions when my stomach is rumbling.
Me (giving him treats): Okay. Now rule and force him to subtract 100 points as his penalty.
Teddy (licking lips): I don’t really understand the rules so I’m just going outside to patrol the perimeter.
Me: Turncoat.
Teddy (shrugging): I bet you regret blaming that fart on me last night.
The Viking (singing): Karrrrrmaaa
Me (throwing my darts): 15. I blame you for this. You ‘adjust’ the board and suddenly the whole game is rigged in your favour. I’m pretty sure that’s against some sort of ‘Viking Code of Honour’. Before we play again I’m going to install a proper Official. One that you haven’t paid off.
The Viking (throws): 92
Me: 29
The Viking stepped up to the line, assumed his Dart-Throwing Stance and took aim. And then………….. “Ouch! What the fuck?! Did you just stab my ass with your dart?!
Me (straight face): I don’t know what you’re talking about. Maybe someone has a VooDoo doll under her desk. And even if she does, you deserve it for cheating.
The Viking: I’m not cheating. The board had moved.
The Viking assumes the Stance again and tries to aim but, clearly, he’s nervous because I’m petting one of my Darts and testing the sharpness of the point. He tries again and then laughs when I kiss it ever so gently.
Finally…..
Me: The unknown person, or persons, with the VooDoo doll is probably satisfied with just the one poke so you can relax. Everyone knows it’s only funny once.
He smoked me in that game. And the next game. I won the third game, purely by accident when I blundered into a triple 19 and two other high points. That deserved a celebratory Turkey Dance! In reality though, I couldn’t hit what I was aiming at to save my life. If we ever had to defend ourselves against our Enemies* with nothing but darts, I could maybe hit the attacker but it’s anyone’s guess whether it would be with the pointy end or not.
So, it’s a good thing that I don’t take Stabbing very seriously. I go in knowing the odds of winning are close to zero. And that’s okay with me.
Besides, it’s all fun and games until a Viking starts cheating.
*Not that we have Enemies. At least I don’t think we have Enemies, but who knows? There might be someone out there with less than warm feelings for us but that just means we need to be careful about telling new people our real names and hope everyone else has forgotten already.
The Viking ‘indulged in Beer with Clamato Juice‘? That’s an indulgence? Sounds like more of an punishment! Ah well, Danes do like their fish!
Beer & Clammy is a totally Canadian thing and it’s delicious! 🙂 You can’t get it anywhere else. Mott’s Clamato Juice. Up until a couple years ago, you couldn’t find it in the States and when they did finally get it, it tasted horrible. I don’t know what happened but it’s just not the same. Next time you get to Canada you should try it. Order a Beer and ask for Clamato Juice on the side. Put the juice in the beer – however much juice you prefer – and enjoy. 😘
Most Americans don’t know the pleasure of a Bloody Caesar, either 😉 I did train my fave and he is now constantly on the search for Clamato. – has managed to find some.
As for the pointy thingy game. That definitely looked like a cheat.
But hey, you had fun, right?
1. You have a Fav?! That’s FANTASTIC! 🧡💛💚🎆🎇✨ I hope you can see him soon.
2. We introduced Erik and Annette to Beer and Clamato and they loved it. Unfortunately, they can’t get it in Denmark. We managed to send two large jugs to them for Christmas and they were ecstatic!
3. I know! Right? I can only assume there is no honour in Stabby People.
4. Love ya, Sistah! 😘
1. I do. Just waiting for the goddamn borders to open. Then I can guarantee no one will be hearing from me for a sold week.
2. Most people who get introduced to it love it – with good reason.
3. None.
4. Lova ya, Sistah – even if your stupid website is one of the only ones that WON’T let me know you’ve responded unless I click on notify for comments – then I get everyone’s. Sigh. My fault if I forget to click the damn box.
I’m soooo happy for you! 💘💖 I knew he was lurking out there somewhere. Luvs!
It’s been two years but things have turned more serious…
It’ll remain long-distance but I don’t mind. Not sure how ready I am to share my space all the time 😉
💖💖💖