So, I’ve been wrestling with this post for days already and it’s driving me nuts. I would just drop the whole thing and find something else to write about but there is an article that I want to share. It came in my email and punched me in the face. Hard. And I’m pretty sure there are a lot of Moms and Dads that need to be punched in the face, too.
I don’t want to write a novel on why the article has impacted me, so pay attention because it’s going to be fast and dirty.
I married a child when I was 19 and then gave birth to two more children. The marriage was shitty, the children weren’t, and as time went on the marriage became shittier and shittier until I almost killed my shitty self. The only reason I didn’t was because I couldn’t leave my children alone in a shitty situation. And then every time a shitty thing happened I ‘over-reacted’, ‘needed to take more pills’ or ‘needed to see a therapist again’. I didn’t understand that the shitty-ness that led to my self-killing would become the shitty weapon that would be used against me forevermore. I also didn’t know that all that shitty-ness could be passed on to the children like a virus until they became shitty, too. I was staying in the shitshow for the children because how would I ever be able to support them without the shitshow, but what I actually did was enroll them in Shitty Bootcamp with one-on-one shitty tutoring. And as the children grew into adults with superior shitty-ness skills, shitty drama happened more and more frequently with higher and higher shitty-ness levels until finally, during Christmas 2018, the shitty threshold was epic-ally breached and shitty-ness exploded and killed me. The shitty event took only 15 shitty minutes and even I – by now an expert on shitty-ness – was awed by the level of shitty-ness one person can contain and willingly fling.
And that’s the shitty short version of the whole shitshow. And, as you might imagine, I don’t do shitshows anymore because it killed me and made me want to literally self-kill again.
Thankfully, there’s a Viking for that…..
…..and he gave me several very good reasons why I shouldn’t self-kill and should stay with him forevermore because he’s not shitty.
And this brings me to the Elephant Journal. I found it when I was still up to my neck in shitty-ness, trying to understand how my life turned into a complete shittery despite my best efforts. If you have shitty-ness in your life, check out Elephant Journal where they will give you shit-free articles to make you feel better.
It was one of those shit-free articles that punched me in the face: To the Broken Mom who finds Strength for her Kids by Tiffany Timm.
Go ahead and read it. I’ll wait. It’s very short but full of love……
Ms. Timm understands shitty-ness, no? And I’m here to share my shitty shitshow so you know that you aren’t alone in your shitshow. I can’t trust my judgement anymore because, well, it was shitty, and never ask me advice about parenting because it’s total shit, too. However, I am willing to dive into the shitty deep-end with you and wallow in shitty self-pity. And then I’ll help you out of the shit and tell you that you’re awesome despite all the shit people say. All the best people have survived shit and escaped all sorts of shitteries. Including you. And me.
So. I see you, too.