Tag: Neighbours

Making Friends, One Felony At A Time

The phone rings.

Me:  Hello?

Caller:  Hi there.  I live just down the alley from you and I thought I should let you know that Izzie has been spending quite a bit of time in my yard.

Me (nervous….do I need to apologize for my damned cat again?!):  Okaaaaay.

Him:  It’s totally fine!  I don’t mind at all, but I wondered if I should put some food out for her?  I have given her treats before when she stops by.

Me:  That dirty cat!  She has bowls and bowls of dry food and gets paté every evening.

Him:  I thought she was too healthy-looking to be a stray.  So I shouldn’t put out any food?

Me:  No, it’s not necessary to put out food, but she probably appreciates the treats.  I have to say that I’m surprised she lets you get close to her.  She hasn’t made you bleed?

Him (laughing):  A couple of times but we’ve become friends.  I could read her name on the tag quite a long time ago but it was only this morning that she let me flip it over to see the phone number.

Me:  Wow!  You’ve done well, then.

Him:  She helped me build the fence in my backyard in October.  She sat and watched me for hours.

Me:  She likes to watch a guy, who lives very close to you, do his gardening in the summer, too.  She spends entire afternoons with him.

Him:  Yeah.  She just sits and watches.  She’s sweet.

Me:  Ahhhh….that’s just a ploy to gain your trust.  She took the ladies at the end of the block hostage for 5 hours.  They had to escape through their front door.

Him (laughing again):  She wouldn’t let me in the garage this morning and when I tried to go around her she swatted at me.  I said, “Hey!  We’re friends, aren’t we?”

Me:  She stole a woman’s car two summers ago.  The neighbours heard the screams and came to get us.  So, don’t underestimate her motives.

Him:  She sounds like quite a cat.

Me (sighing):  I cannot count how many times I’ve had to apologize for her behavior.  I’ve tried to explain that she’s not allowed to swat or take hostages or steal buildings, but it doesn’t seem to help.

Him:  The guy at the end of my block has a cat and she’s been fighting with it.  I call her and she comes running across three garages, down my drain pipe and I give her treats after telling her to stop fighting.

Me:  I know!!  She was coming home looking like a crack whore for over a month!  We went on holiday for a couple of weeks, taking the cats with us, in September, and since then she hasn’t been in any more fights.  Maybe she just needed a time-out.

Him:  She was looking pretty beat up, for sure.

Me:  Well thank you for looking out for her.  And I appreciate the call to let me know what she’s up to.

Him:  No worries.  I can still give her treats?

Me:  Sure.  She loves treats.

Him:  Perfect.  Nice chatting with you.

Me:  Same here.

Okay.  So, no apologies were necessary and the blood was minimal.  I can’t help but wonder if Realtors will have to disclose Izzie’s presence to prospective purchasers of homes in the area.  I’m sure she would think it was cool, but driving home prices down might become an issue for The Viking and me.

Sigh.

A Viking Lawn Mowing Competition

So, this happened…..

The Viking handed me a list of parts he needed STAT!

Adrian, from Rocky Mountain Honda in Calgary, is the best Parts Man on the planet so I emailed him the following:

Hi Adrian,

 Our neighbour mowed our lawn on Monday and it freaked The Viking out because he’s the one that’s supposed to do the favours, not the other way around.  What followed was a frantic search for our mower only to find out it wouldn’t run.  How is he supposed to keep the neighbour from mowing our lawn again if his mower won’t work?  If he’s going to get into competitive lawn-mowing, he needs some parts.  Also, the neighbour has no idea what he started.  Who will do the next Mow first?!  I’m taking bets that it’s The Viking, but the neighbour is kind of tricky.  I wouldn’t put it past him to do a midnight Mow.  The Viking isn’t afraid of a little rain though, so he has that going for him.  I’m setting up a viewing stand in the front yard to watch the action.  Maybe with some score cards where I can hand out points for technique, speed and design.  I’ll need popcorn.

 Here’s what he’ll need to stay in the competition:

           List of parts needed

 The neighbour may or may not have fertilized our lawn when we weren’t looking so The Viking will want his mower in tip-top shape as soon as possible.  He’s doing calisthenics and stretching to get in shape and loading up on carbs for short bursts of energy.  I’m so excited! 

PS:  Can you put Nitrous* on a Mower? 

 Lori

And, because Adrian is such a good sport, this is what he replied:

Hi Lori,

All I can say is… I WANT in on this. It’s been a dream of mine to be part of a neighborly fun lawn cutting feud!

I’ll start with helping on parts!

 List of parts ordered.

 Oh and PS: We can’t do nitrous but we can do this…

Of course, I needed to reply:

Yes please!  Go ahead and order those parts.

Also, The Viking wants that Mower!!!  It’s gorgeous!  He’s positive he can take full points for speed with it.  And, I can’t stop laughing, imagining the neighbour’s face when he sees The Viking riding that mower.  With a horned helmet on his head!

And you are more than welcome to get in on the action.  How do you feel about heading up the Pit Crew?

I probably should have asked for specs on turning radius and G-forces but Adrian is a busy man.  I am hoping the exhaust spits fire and brimstone because ‘Go Big Or Go Home!’

UPDATE:  Adrian just got back to me, confirming the parts order and he had this to say:

Good Morning!

I have ordered them up! There is a full video by Honda on YouTube with that lawnmower…let’s say it’s not your average mower haha. However, knowing how he is…maybe don’t show him as he would end up building one…maybe that’s a good thing?  Pit Crew is under way!

A video?!  There were a couple videos actually, but my favorite is this one:

The Stig’s 130mph Lawnmower

And now I want that Mower as much as The Viking does!

 

 

*Nitrous, when injected into fuel intake, increases horsepower dramatically for a short period of time.  If you use it too often you’ll blow up the machine but, The Viking is a professional and knows what he’s doing.